Just wanted to share an essay I submitted to Shambhala publications’ 35 project:
Drinking to Distraction
You know the moment you realize you are scared or anxious but don’t know why? You might check your wallet, confirm the oven is off, or scan your calendar for forgotten appointments. Maybe you retrace the rapid-fire sequence of your thoughts searching for the origin of your discomfort but can’t identify anything in particular. In Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Holly Golightly calls it the mean reds: Suddenly you’re afraid, and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.
I used to have these moments all the time. Sitting at my desk on a workday, I would feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety and restlessness. At first I thought it was just my crappy job or that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But even if I changed environment, the feeling persisted.