Here is an excerpt of an essay published today on TheFix.com:
Once I began to question my drinking, I thought I had two options: identify myself as an alcoholic and stop drinking with the help of a group, or decide that I was not an alcoholic and continue. I ignored any other possibilities.
I used to be known as the girl who was always up for a drink. Stopping by my desk at the end of the workday, friends could count on me to join them at Jury’s, the hotel bar downstairs from our office in Boston, for cocktails and conversation. Before a movie, after a play, in airports and train stations: the time and place were always right. I drank for many of the same reasons others do—to celebrate, commiserate, mark milestones and relax. But for years, I secretly worried about it.
Powerful stuff kid! As always…I love the way you write!
Very interesting piece. I didn’t realize you weren’t in the fellowship and going solo in your sobriety. That is a hard road. I am an isolator, so relying on AA was an important step in my sobriety and Buddhism and my egolessness. Hard to explain, I guess, but AA has been good for me. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you for your comment, Angie. Not going to AA wasn’t intentional. It just happened (though it was probably somewhat influenced by my experience in the outpatient program). I certainly don’t rule out the possibility that AA might become important or necessary in the future. You just never know where this road will take you. I always appreciate your thoughtful insights. Many thanks.
I applaud you finding community through writing and blogging – it is so important not to feel alone, because this is indeed a disease of isolation. I am appalled by your early recovery experience though. You are amazing, to be doing what your doing, keeping an open dialogue and reflecting on everything.
When it comes to twelve step programs, we’re made up of people from all walks of life, from all experience. It’s not a hot bed of mental health! Therefore, the slogan I have adopted as my own for every aspect of my life is to “practice principle’s before personalities.” (Not always easy!)
Thanks for your comment, Lena. I loved your blog about Winehouse! You’re so right that blogging has helped me find my community and I expect that this will evolve over time. I have so much respect for 12-step programs and the people who use them – it’s completely possible that I will be one of them in the future. Even if I do, I will continue to find my own way, as we all must do. Again, many thanks and keep writing!
Yes indeed. Recovery isn’t/ shouldn’t be a one-size-fits-all solution. I look forward to getting to know you better and hopefully being a part of your community. Yay!
Ditto, sober sister!
I stick a round a.a. to pass the message on to the new commer althou i could thinl off a thousand reasons not to be there . my view is inportant for the new commer to cling to hope happy recovery all love christy mcmullen x
Thanks for your comment, Christy! I think you provide an invaluable service to others new to the program. Thank you for sharing.
[...] I was and couldn’t therefore fully identify with them. Even when I decided to stop drinking, I couldn’t call myself an alcoholic and therefore was in a class of my [...]