Part of what has always attracted me to Buddhism is the concept that every experience – every moment – presents an opportunity to meet the present, to wake up rather than grasp or repel and go to sleep. There are no throwaway moments!
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about what I have to work with. In it, I realized that the very problems I would love to trade for someone else’s will allow me to either wake up or go to sleep.
Recently I began taking a Yin yoga class at my beloved Physique 57 studio. The class, taught by Debra Downs, seems like yoga as it was meant to be – not a competitive sport or a sweaty workout. Debra weaves together aspects of Buddhist and Taoist philosophy with her extensive yoga, anatomy, and psychology knowledge, connecting the how and the why of each pose and changing the experience altogether.
Debra guides the class to pay attention to thoughts, how they change from moment to moment, and how we judge ourselves, often harshly. Along with a sense of relaxation and release, I always take some piece of wisdom from her class. Last week, that nugget was to pay particular attention to my responses to my perceived limitations and how this might provide insight into how I deal with struggle on a larger scale.
I have always had tight hips. When I was 8 or 9 and taking jazz class with Miss Rose at the Oceanside Dance Conservatory, my splits were right angles compared with everyone else’s beautiful 180 degrees. Since becoming aware of this limitation, my tight hips have accumulated a complex set of feelings: shame, embarrassment, inability, and stunted growth; like there is something very wrong with my body at the most basic level.
Whenever I attend a yoga class that focuses on hip opening, I think:
Oh great, I’m not going to get anything out of this!
Why do we have to focus on something I’m so bad at?
What’s wrong with me???
Last week in class, I realized that this is very related to how I handle problems outside my body:
Why is this happening to me?
This is so unfair!
What’s wrong with me???
Enter the practice of noticing, releasing judgment, and meeting things as they are. Tight hips are something I have to work with. And working with them gets better when I don’t judge them – love them even – and start from that place.
Once again you’ve written to my heart. I broke my hip and pelvis when u was a competitive runner and had to stop running because of it. So much failure and shame there. Thank you for the reminder to be gentle.
Thank you, Pamela. Your sharing inspires me to write more! Let’s all be gentle together
[...] week I was in yet another hip-opening yin yoga class. I was seated on the floor with my legs out in front of me and I was folding forward, resisting the [...]